To Be A Human Addict

My husband and I had a situation on Saturday where my old days of using made me react to him in a way that he did not understand. Let me explain.
Back when I was actively using I LOVED Soma...even more, I LOVED Soma with Percocet. These drugs combined made me tired, loopy and drunk if you will. I slept all of the time. Even when i got clean I felt guilty for feeling tired because I knew my family would see that as a sign of using.
Well, that takes me to Saturday. I had had a long week. I had also stayed up pretty late Friday night scrapbooking with some friends. I went and got my hair done on Saturday morning, and by the time I got home I was ready for a nap. My husband wanted to go do something and I told him I wanted to take a nap first. He very innocently asked "why are you so tired". He didnt care that I was tired, in fact I think it was just a normal question to ask. He wasnt really wondering why I was so tired. In my addict mind, I immediately went to "He's accusing me of being high and that is why I am so tired." So I scuzzed him off and said "It was ok for me to be tired, now let me take a nap" (in a not very nice way).
After I woke up he asked why I got so upset over that one question. I tried to explain it to him. The funny thing is, he doesnt know me as the using Jami. So, his mind doesnt immediately (or even at all) go to thinking Im high. But for me, it does. I automatically think if people ask why I am tired they are accusing me of being high.
That is one of the hardest things I struggle with I think. Being human in general. I am human. Human's get tired...human's take naps...its ok for me to be tired and take a nap! To be honest, I think I struggle with it more than my family does. Im sure a part of their minds wonders when I am tired if it is because I am using. But I dont think their minds go there automatically anymore. At least I hope they dont. I hope that after a year of being clean I have gained some of that trust for them to realize Im just tired...and today, its ok for me to just be tired!!
Love,
Jami